February 04, 2008
Sean gets off with a screw, it aint funny.
Pretty bad aint it when you get driven out yer own gaff, yeah well that's what happened to me. Well Sean's one thing,I mean i invited him round, he's a mate inne so it don't feel like so much of an imposition; you can still eat pot noodles, belch and scratch in yer underpants when yer mates round but when ther's a bleedin bird there, well, it aint the same is it?
Right so Sean arranges to see this grotesque megaton security guard, this one that was groping him in a group4 van a few years back, one he never forgot..right, yeah yeah, i'll get on with it.
So he arranges to see her in the Dolphin, now i thought it was just me an him goin down there for old times sake, to talk about the old days and see if lovely Brenda the barmaid was still there, i didn't really think it'd be me, Sean and some horrible screw called Gaynor. So we gets there and its earlyish and there;s a few scruffy student types and a few of these ponces who think they're Russell Brand wearing pipecleaner jeans or whatever they're called and they're hair all up and backcombed like a 60's tart. its a fuckin disgrace Sean says ruefully as we settle with our pissy pints of stella, this place used to be a proper boozer.And i mean in a lot of ways it still is, if you look at the decor and the daft hours it keeps an all that, its just that the geezers and the vietnamese and the moody paddys playin pool and all them punk lot seem to have been driven out by these little ponces who reckon to be artists or some such shit. What these birds fall for nowadays is beyond me.
So we sits down at a little table by the window and Sean starts saying this stuff to one of these little wankers about how he;s elbowed his way onto our table and then , instead of backind down and giving Sean some respect he starts arguing the toss in this orrible nasal whining little voice, well i aint jokin i sees Seans face going through that weird trnasformation from pink to red to bright purple, his eyes have narrowed into thin slits and his skins gone all waxy. i'm thinking, o my god, any minute now an that cunt is goona have that stupid sneering face smashed across the bar and daubed ACROSS THE CEILING!!!!!!!!!!!And just as Sean's about to snap in walks Gaynor, all 6 foor one inches of her decked head to toe in sequins and glittery eyeshadow like shes been at some christmas office party circa 1986, i aint jokin, she's a disgusting mess, you know like when some kid nicks its mums make up and smears it all over its face, that was what gaynor looked like, she;d made a real special effort for Sean.So Sean gets to his feet, pushes the posh cunt out of the way and jumps to the bar offering to buy her a drink, but then i notice something really orrible, she aint alone, she's with this stringy blonde bird called Angie, oh no i think, i'm bein lined up with soem weirdo smackhead whose eyes won't focus, or worse still, another screw! But then in a flash i think about it, and yeah a jumps a jump, or should i say a screws a screw!!HA HA HA HA HA HA HA AH AHHHHHHHHAAAAHHHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway i think, could be worse you know, better sink a few more pints......... oh god, me stomachs playin up, eugghchha, sorry, eughd, urgh god, its me ulcer, sorry, right more later when i've been to the bog.......