March 25, 2008

BAZ IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alright fans, sorry about this, it aint like yer old mate Baz to fuck off for this long but FUCKING HELL you wouldn’t believe whats been goin on round ere!!!
Right, so just to set the scene, me , Sean and a few of the old crew are sittin in the Acorn avin a few afternoon ones, i’m supposed to be takin sean round me mate Kennys to stop for a few days til we can lose that orrible screw Brenda, its all just kicked off in Working links doleite boot camp so we’ve gone for a few pints....right and then this bird walks in who sean suddenly goes ga ga over...with me now? alright.. this bird is just sitting at the bar supping this blue alco pop shite and she’s looking over at Sean and me an’ all, both of us i suppose but its hard to tell, what wiv her avin such weird eyes an that... so Seans lookin back at her all excited, an i’;m blamin this on bein banged up for so bleedin long, Sean seems to have lost it completely when it comes to women. I mean this one, she looks off it proper, dead stringy and spaced out. The hair is the kind of streaks you used to get in the 80’s, and the gear, short skirt and bare legs sort of like a Shacklewell Lane slapper , you get the idea.. i don’t mind that meself, i mean she’s alright i think, quite fit, its just the eyes that worry me, really twitchy and anxious then laughing..fucking hell...
so i’m tryin to look at the TV, Deal or No Deal some wingnut eared cunt just won 1p, right cocky little bastard he was, turned down 20 grand without a blink, righT fuckig MUG,i’m ready for the question Noel when Sean hauls himself out of his chair and lunges over to the bar, alright darlin i hear him say to the bird, want me to get you another one o them drinks?
She’s laughing and smiling and making herself all small and giggling and next things Seans getting a round in and looking over at me like he’s just hit the bleedin jackpot! I aint jokin you’d have thought he’d just won the bleedin lottery.
Oh god i’m thinkin, not another load of bleedin trouble, then he’s bringing me another pint of Stella and beckoning the bird over to our table. Shall we sit out the front, i want a fag he says. So we all go out the front of the boozer, there aint no tables outside as such, more a draughty door way with a couple of stools next to the motorised spac carts. This is Lisa Sean says all smiles introducing me to the bird, she’s just laughing and taking the piss out of Seans tattoos, the one with the skull with the mohican, she says she’s been living down some doss house in Stepney, what you doin up this way then love? She’s goin on about the hostel and this knobhead who she was seein and how he’s hassling her following her every time she leaves the hostel , she went to sign on today and he was hanging about outside, this was down Whitechapel, so she slipped out the back and started walking the wrong way home and just kept goin and that was it, just wandering on and on til she got lost, saw this boozer and stopped for a rest. You stick wiv us love, we’ll look after you Seans saying all laughs and smiles, i’m thinking fucking hell as if we aint got enough to worry about.
Look mate, i says to him when she’s pissed off to the bog, we’re staying at kenny’s tonight and that bird aint comin wiv us. Sean stands up straight and turns on me, i said i’ll look after her an i will, she AINT GOT NO ONE!! Alright Sean, fuckin ell cool it mate, bleedin ell, i’m only tryin me best top sort us all out mate, it aint easy i’m telling you..Jesus specially with you kicking off every ten minutes.
Alright well where then? if not Kennys where? This is Sean looking at me completely aggro, i’m doin my best but sometimes you can’t please him. I’m pissed off cos i was looking forward to just staggering out the boozer, round the corner to kennys flat and settlin down for a curry and a few cans.. i don’t know do i Baz, YOU’RE THE FUCKING BOSS!!. I hate it when he gets all sarcastic and mean, thats him after a few stellas but i can handle him, alright Sean i say, I got other places, let me make a few calls.
Then the stringy bird, Lisa, appears again and Seans all smiles the big soft fucking galoot...
to be continued..and i promise i won’t make you wait so long for the next installment...
laters Baz .

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